So, where did I get to?
Not very far it seems.
The days have blurred into each other but I will do my best to unravel them.
There were moments of humour.
Not many, but one I shall never forget. I think it was on Saturday. ML was looking so much better and she signalled to me to lift her bed. And, no, I didn’t shoot her into the air. I did it slowly and carefully but she kept wanting to go further until she was almost sitting upright.
And I heard something fall on the floor. I looked down and there was a thick tube which I picked up. I glanced out the window just in time to see a look of horror on the faces of the nurses. Who then came rushing in, throwing on protective clothing as they ran. I asked if the tube was important. It was. It was her ventilator!!! I felt better when I learned that this has happened a couple of times. So, it wasn’t something I had done.
On Sunday her breathing had improved to such an extent that they were planning to take the ventilator out so she could talk. They took it out but, during the night, things went horribly wrong. Her blood pressure plummeted and her blood count did not look good. When I came in on Monday for the morning hour she looked dreadful . She cried a little and my heart broke for her.
When I went in the afternoon they had sedated her. I sat and held her hand. And felt guilty because, for the first time, I was thinking “Thy will be done”. I care too much for her to want her to suffer like this. She is fully aware of everything going on around her. This must be like the worst kind of torture for her. A couple of weeks would have been bearable. But, to lie like that week after week, staring at the ceiling, is just too much. This must be like a constant nightmare for her. She does not deserve it.
Just to finish off my visit in style I put my back out last night. I might have just turned awkwardly or it was the culmination of all the driving in rush hour traffic in ML’s tank of a car. Or, simply stress. Whatever. This morning I could barely get dressed. I got home, took a couple of pain killers and went to bed with a hot water bottle. My wonderful boss was very understanding. Hopefully, by tomorrow I will be back to abnormal.
Why do WP keep messing my paragraphs around?