Posted by: granny1947 | October 10, 2010

Granny’s “Spring” Sunday

Good Morning All.
Our glorious Spring day has left for greener pastures.
This morning there are thick banks of clouds racing in from the north west.
That is where our rain comes from.
There is rain forecast.
Also gales.
Thank heavens I took Jasmine yesterday.

I have just received an sms.
Remember the the woman I met on the beach?
The one from Lithuania?
My new best friend.
She has invited me over for coffee and cake.
I am in a quandary.

I popped in to her place on my way upcountry last week.
Thought a trip might help her severe depression.
She wasn’t feeling well.
Severe stomach cramps.
She suspected an ulcer.
She showed me her arms and legs.
She was covered in terrible bruises.
Her daughter had beaten her up!!!

Her daughter,who was studying to be a doctor, has thrown up her studies and lives with some unemployed guy.
She says her daughter has changed completely.
I have not met the girl but I strongly suspect she is on drugs.
I know the signs.

So…what is my quandary?
Do I want to spend time with her.
I know I should.
She needs someone.
However, it is so easy to be sucked into the whole depression thing.
I shall probably come away ready to slit my wrists.

Maybe I will compromise.
Spend half an hour with her and then go and visit my DIL.
Maybe another half an hour with my six year old granddaughter will counteract the mood.
Or maybe it will be just the reverse?
This is a kid we are talking about.
Mental note…phone DIL…find out what sort of mood the little one is in.
Decisions, decisions.

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Responses

  1. so hard, do you get involved in someoje else’s problems? you can give very hard and sensible advice, maybe she needs that a lot more than sympathy

    • Morning Sidey…see my comment to Adee….I get irritated but I sort of understand.

  2. Not an easy choice, Gran… Limit your time, give advice (that may be all she needs to give her a push in the right direction), but don’t get sucked in, no matter what. If she takes your advice and seeks help – then fine. If she doesn’t – well it’s her life after all. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, unfortunately.

    • Morning Adee…I have told her to stay away from her daughter…not the first time she has hit her mother…but she didn’t listen.
      Guess I can sort of understand. She has no-one.

  3. Good Luck – we all want to help but sometimes we have to help ourselves first. xx

    • Good Morning Chris…I hear what you are saying but I worry about the bird….Lord knows why….don’t really even know her.

  4. mmm, alarm bells are ringing; do you really want to take on another needy person? Send MEX to visit her.
    Have a nice day.
    Love you.

    • Oh my word Cindy…I can’t even get a mental picture of that!!!!

  5. Granny, neediness is a symptom of some much deeper problem. Tough love would mean offering her a suggestion that helps her to help herself. If she does the “yah but” response, that’s a sign that she’s not willing to take steps to help herself.

    I mentor RECOVERING addicts and alcoholics. The teaching that has saved my butt and keeps me in a healthy relationship: “You can carry the message but you can’t carry the person.”

    When my involvement feels like I’m carrying the person, I know I’ve crossed the line and it is not helpful to them or me.

    • I know just what you are saying Souldipper…have been through drug addiction with my younger daughter…helping her TOO much enabled her!

      • Souldipper: that is so true!

  6. Such a difficult one, granny. Peopkle inher situation can be so draining on one’s spirits. I’m not sure that I would want to get involved at all, but I’m sure that your sympathy for her will win out. Keep it brief though. Hugs xx

    • Good Morning AD…that is just what I am going to do…right now the weather is so miserable I don’t want to leave home!

  7. I have a tremendous amount of catching up to do judging from this entry. Love both the photos on your blog today Granny. xxx

    • Hello Mid Thirty…long time no see…how are you love?

  8. How we wish we could help everybody in this world. If we did however, we would be taking away their power to help themselves. She has the answer herself. She just needs to reach the point where she does something about it. If she leans on you it would just mean pushing that decision further and further away because she will be getting emotional assistance which will translate into more apathy. It is incredibly tough – but the only way people can help themselves – from drug addicts to people being abused, is for them to sink to the lowest level and fight their own way back.

    Hang tough Grann – it is so incredibly difficult for a caring person like yourself not to try and help. However – if we keep on taking people’s problems on as our own there will be nothing left to help us cope with our own problems.

    Isn’t this weather just the pill at the moment? I had four very wet kitties and two miserable dogs glaring at me last night as if it’s MY fault that winter is back! gggrrr….

    • Hi Lynda…I didn’t get to see her in the end…she was too busy!!!
      I was relieved.
      I know what you are saying is true but this woman needs a kick up the butt!!!

  9. Tough decision, Gran. That’s awful about her daughter – such a promising future, all thrown away for a bad boy. Why do bad boys seem to have such power over good girls? Be careful going there, you don’t know if you’ll end up in the middle of the ugliness. This whole thing sounds like a depressing Anna Quindlen novel. Maybe a neutral meeting place would be safer? It’s great to help others, but don’t sacrifice yourself to do it. Beautiful photo, by the way!

    • Thanks RD…I AM being very careful!!!

  10. Hi Granny, just did a catch up of about a week of your blogs. Sorry to hear of your new problems, but I sincerely applaud your decision to remain positive and upbeat. Your dad was right about money — it is only paper after all, and there is always someway to get more of it. As long as you’ve got love in your life and the support of friends you really don’t ever need to worry about money.

    As for the woman whose daughter is abusing her — that is terrible, but, and this is a big but, and some may disagree with me — perhaps all this woman needs is someone strong, resourceful and determined (that is you) to be her friend. I’m not saying get involved in solving her problems — I’m just saying be that person with whom she can share a ‘normal’ moment. Go have coffee with her and share a laugh — try to ignore the bruises (if you can) — she knows they’re there, but maybe she’s tired of living with them and this is her first step to breaking free.

    There’s a saying that floats across my inbox from time to time that goes: People come into our lives for a reason. Try to find out what the reason she has come in to yours is.

    PS — loved ALL the pictures!

    • Hi Klrs…the biggest hurdle is not to be sucked in…will see her soon but she will hear a few home truths!


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